Setting Healthy Boundaries — Ninja Life Coaching

When I said, ‘This far you may come, but no farther, and here your proud waves must stop!’

Job 38:11

The Lord is the ultimate boundary setter. He is the one who told the waves when to stop as they rushed to the shore. When he created the universe, he set parameters in place so there would be order in His new creation. He did not design chaos. We humans make a fine mess of God’s orderly world. We make poor decisions. We keep our stubborn ideology. We cross boundaries.

When God set boundary markers at the foundation of the world, that was a blueprint for us...a blueprint for us to know exactly how limited we are without God’s intervention, and a blueprint for us to know how to relate to each other. We need boundaries. Left unfettered, humans are capable of anything...and I mean anything. Jails are full of people who didn’t respect the boundary lines of others.

I blame social media for a lot of the problem. Social animals that we are, we enjoy those “likes.” We enjoy those notifications. We feel validated when we compare our “perfect” life to the lives of others. The problem with this is it isn’t real. We have crossed the boundary of reality into the land of fantasy. I will never forget this post a young man wrote about five years ago on FB. He said, “Well, going to the store.” About 30 minutes later he wrote, ”Back from the store.” Then about 15 minutes later, he wrote, “Ate a pickle.” While this information was fascinating, I wondered if the poor chap was so lonely, he felt had to give an account of his day in order to feel connected. And that, my friends, is one of the reasons we don’t set healthy boundaries. We’re afraid of losing the connections, of not getting the “likes,” of offending someone, whether friend or family or stranger. We have become a world of connectivity, but abandoned a world of true connection.

I am just as guilty as the next person. I am not a particularly good boundary setter. I am one of those social butterflies that enjoys the “likes.” It gives me the warm and fuzzies. However, I’ve had to learn over the years that, statistically speaking, 20 percent of the people I interact with won’t like me for no apparent reason. And an even higher percentage of our friends don’t like us, either. Depressing, isn’t it? I don’t know what percentage of people will try to violate our boundaries, but for someone (like me) who struggles with an enabling temperament, it’s probably a high statistic. In the book, “Boundaries,” Drs. Townsend and Cloud write, “what happens when a rescuing, enabling person meets a controlling, insensitive person? Answer: THEY GET MARRIED! (I will post a link below if you’d like to order this book. I’ve read it, and it’s really good if you struggle with setting healthy boundaries).

I am writing about this today because I have had this rolling around in my heart for a little while. I’ve wondered how many people struggle with this, and I believe the statistic would be higher than we think. I couldn’t find any hard data on that, but I did find LOTS of data about people who don’t respect our boundaries and what to do about it. In fact, I made a YouTube video to go along with this blog—Setting Healthy Boundaries, because I know from experience, people struggle with this.

If we use the example in the book of Job, God wasn’t the least bit wishy-washy when it came to telling the waves how far to go. Jesus wasn’t shy about driving the moneylenders from the temple. And Stephen (the first recorded martyr) gave a very eloquent speech right before he died, calling people out on their lifestyles. We have these and many other biblical examples. I’m certain from studying the Bible that God meant for His children to live in harmony, loving one another, but He also intended for them to have respect for one another. In this electronically driven world, we are the ones who have blurred the boundary lines. In fact, we have blurred them to the point of non-existence. We have winked at sin and called it tolerance. We have blasted people on social media and called it expressing our opinion. We have re-created God into the image of man. Just a reminder here…the word “man” is NOT capitalized.

If you struggle with setting healthy boundaries, I would encourage you to pray and let God help you with that. He will. He will show you exactly what to do and how to do it. He will guide you toward wholeness as you walk into the light of His grace. God bless!

Link to “Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend:

https://amzn.to/2UvFbO9

#lifecoachinglesons #lifecoachingforeveryone #boundaries #settingboundaries #dontstop #whatsstoppingyou #bethechange

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