Freedom From Abuse
/When you have something that keeps repeating itself over and over again in your mind, what do you do? Do you grab it by the throat and order it out of your life? Do you calmly consider it’s merit, and act accordingly? Or do you just ponder it over and over again until it’s ready to come out? I’m not talking about repetitious thoughts of a sinful nature. I’m not even talking about listening to our own self talk. What I’m talking about is something you feel must eventually be either spoken or written, but you just don’t quite know how to handle it. Because in the handling, people might get offended or hurt.
I realize this line of thinking contributes to the reason why abused women often keep silent. They are either 1) fearful for their lives or the lives of their loved ones; or 2) they don’t want to inflict harm on anyone because they themselves experienced physical and emotional harm and the mental anguish it leaves in it’s wake. This is something I wrestle with constantly. As a formerly abused woman, it is difficult to know where to draw the line between giving helpful information or having an emotional regurgitation all over someone. The line is a fine one.
One in three women in the United States has suffered some form of abuse during the course of their lives. One in THREE—let that statistic sink in for a moment. That means that either the lady sitting to the right of you or the left of you in the church pew has suffered abuse, or you yourself have at one time or another. I once taught a class which helped ladies who were or had been in abusive situations. There was a common thread—and that thread was silence. It took them a few weeks to open up about what had happened to them, and even then, it was difficult for them to speak in that safe place. It was painful, yet it was very freeing for those ladies. God delivered them from the bondage of silence, and it was the start of the healing process for many of them.
I am writing this today because recently there have been things brought to my attention that I feel I need to speak about. These are not things that are particularly comfortable, but they are things which might help others who have been through situations of abuse. It’s never an easy topic to address, but it’s one about which we must NOT be silent. Through silence, we empower the next generation of abusers to rise up and perpetuate the injustice. Through silence, we are minimizing our pain. Through silence, we are carrying the burden of abuse alone.
Whether it’s emotional, spiritual, financial, physical, or mental, it is ALL abuse. If you are made to feel “less than” or “not enough”, or invalidated, it is abuse. I’m not saying that every time our feelings aren’t validated, it’s an abusive situation. Sometimes our feelings really ARE invalid for the situation, and thank God for the healthy people in our lives who point that out to us. We aren’t always in the right; and we NEED people who will LOVINGLY remind us of that fact. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about situations where we are made to feel we aren’t of worth, where our opinions aren’t encouraged, and where we cannot thrive and flourish. Situations where we are mentally beaten down verbally, emotionally and spiritually. Situations where we are pinched, slapped or beaten. Situations where are denied access to finances—those types of situations. If you are reading this, and you are in that situation or have been in that situation, I am going to drop the phone number of the National Domestic Abuse hotline at the end of this blog. Everyone should have the right to be treated fairly, humanely, decently and lovingly.
This blog took an unexpected turn today. I have had this on my mind for the last several weeks. I wasn’t quite sure what God wanted me to do with this, but as usual, He helped me get through it. I am not going to oversimplify things to those of you who have been abused. Leaving an abusive situation is one of the most difficult things you will ever do in your life. It’s hard to rebuild your life from nothing, and I’m not gonna tell you it’s gonna be an easy road. It won’t. But, if you do, you have a chance for a real life—a life where your voice will be heard, a life where you won’t be silenced. I’ve had this said to me, and I’ll bet you’ve heard it, too…”Why don’t they just leave? They must like it.” People who say such things are ignorant and really don’t deserve a response. I will give them one, nonetheless. “They don’t leave because they are terrified—terrified the abuser will kill them (because they’ve most likely been threatened with this many times). They are terrified they can’t make it alone (because they’ve been told over and over again how stupid they are). They are terrified they can’t provide for their children (because they haven’t been allowed to work outside the home because someone might see the bruises). They are terrified of other people (because one wrong word could cause them a multitude of grief at home). They are terrified in every single aspect of their lives. Have you ever lived in that kind of terror? If you haven’t, THEN SHUT YOUR MOUTH! You have nothing to say of value.” That’s what I would say. Well, I guess I DID actually just say that, and I don’t apologize for it. People who don’t understand should ask relevant questions—questions like, “What can I do to help?” and stop throwing shade on something they don’t understand.
The good news in all this is there’s hope—hope for those who have suffered so much at the hands of others. God loves you just the way you are…broken, lost, hurt, defeated. He loves you, and He requires nothing of you, except that you simply come and lay your head on His lap and rest. I have had people ask my why God allows these things to happen. I am not going to answer that here, simply because I don’t know the answer to that question. I do, however, know what happens when we go to Him and rest. That’s the beginning of the healing process, and He will continue it daily. I would encourage you to let Him help you.
If you are in an abusive situation and would like to talk, please send me an email. There’s hope.
Domestic Abuse Hotline 800-656-4673
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