Life Coaching: Friendship and Widow Recovery
/Being a widow makes me think a little differently than folks who haven’t suffered the loss of a loved one. For example, I view friendship in an entirely new and different light. I value my friends. I no longer take them for granted. I nurture them. I protect them. I growl like a grizzly bear when someone dares to offend one of them. I think I always valued my friends, but widowhood somehow brought out a whole new level of grizzly bear.
The Bible says quite a lot about friendship. It’s perfectly modeled as the friendship between Peter, James, John and Jesus. These three men were the “inner circle.” Somehow, these three dudes were always hanging around when Jesus was about to pray, transform, teach, or work a miracle. I can only conclude they were either passionately curious, or passionately committed. They wanted to be where Jesus was. They wanted to hang out with Him. They wanted to see His miracles. They wanted to walk where He walked. Why? Here are a few reasons:
Jesus showed them unconditional love. Jesus wasn’t afraid to tell them the hard truth. When we love someone, sometimes that’s absolutely necessary to keep them from harm. Unconditional love is just that—no boundaries, no restrictions, no rules. It’s extravagant in it’s passion, and abundant in it’s glory.
Jesus accepted them just like they were. He didn’t try to change them. In fact, He called James and John “Sons of Thunder.” He didn’t say, “Oh by the way, you can no longer be known by that name if you follow Me.” No, he called them by the nickname and appeared to take some degree of humor in the fact that these two were rather quick tempered.
He forgave them when they made a misstep. Jesus was a quick forgiver, and He still is today. He doesn’t hold our sin over our heads, waiting to beat us for making poor decisions, being misguided, or just outright sinning. He gathers us up in His arms and forgives us, even in the midst of our mess.
Now, connecting friendship with widowhood…when your spouse dies, you are left with a gaping hole inside you, whether or not you had a good marriage, a bad marriage, or a mediocre marriage. We long to fill that hole, and oftentimes, we try to fill it with things that just aren’t good for us, because the thing we were joined to is broken, permanently, in this world. So often, instead of asking God to fill that need, we act out in other ways. We form unreliable alliances with unworthy people, we cut ourselves off from the ones who love us, and we neglect both God and ourselves. This is a natural part of the grieving process, and it takes some effort to NOT do this. However, if we press on, and make the connection with people who love us, make new friends, and talk to God, the reward is that we make lasting connections with friends who become like our families.
To my friends who have stuck with me through both good times and bad, thank you. You are my peeps. You are my tribe. You are my heart. God bless!
A few of my peeps on a road trip last weekend…
