Life Coaching: What Are We Doing To Stop Abuse?
/I am a member of several online support groups for ladies who have been involved in abusive situations. I am amazed (but shouldn’t be) at the number of ladies who have suffered abuse at the hands of a spouse, a parent, a child, a relative or a friend. The statistics are staggering: One in three.
What causes this and why does it continue? Speaking strictly from personal experience, I can only say growing up back in the day, when women were punched, slapped, pinched, yelled at, molested or mistreated, it wasn’t called ‘abuse.” it was called family problems, temper tantrums, or worse—”thats’ just the way he is. He doesn’t mean anything by it.” I have heard these words come out of the mouth of some of my relatives, and it’s no wonder the current generation of young women are still dealing with the problem today.
I am going to be completely transparent here. I had a great uncle who was an alcoholic. I don’t believe I ever saw the man take a sober breath in his life. When I was a kid, my grandmother and mother would take us over to visit. He lived with my great-grandmother, until her death, and never had a home of his own. He was notorious for groping any of us female cousins if we got within arms reach of him. This was not only tolerated, it was excused. In all fairness, no one was really educated about abuse back then. We just had a vague idea to stay away from Uncle G if he’d been drinking because he was liable to act up. Never once did I ever hear either my grandmother, my great grandmother or my mother call him out for what he was—a sick, twisted individual, who should have been prosecuted for the pervert he was.
This is not a pretty topic to discuss, but it does lead me to this conclusion: We have more education now about abuse and about abuse prevention, yet women are still being treated as subpar citizens and children still not believed when they tell their story. Why is this? Speaking as an older woman, I have come to these conclusions:
There was a resignation to most women back in the day—a resignation that their lot in life was to put their head down and take it. Women didn’t have a whole lot of choices back then. They were relegated to the status of second class citizens, something that women have worked hard to rectify, but will needs some work, when we have people in prominent positions still misusing their positions to maneuver women into situations that are neither wanted nor condoned.
Women were genuinely led to believe if they were abused, it was their fault. Women were somehow convinced if a man made a pass at them, or showered them with unwanted attention, then the woman must have done something to bring that on. Her dress was too short, or her lipstick too bright, or her actions were somehow encouraging. That argument simply isn’t logical. Each of us is responsible for our own self control.
There was a sense that families always stick together. While families DO need to stick together, that isn’t the main thing here. Sticking together in the face of molestation, abuse, violence, and worse, is simply WRONG. I had a coworker whose husband frequently beat her, and he beat her son so badly, he was reported to DHS, which he should have been. I will never forget what she said to me when she was crying about it to me. She said, “It was a family matter. Why did they have to get involved? It was a private family matter!” I don’t blame that poor woman. She was a victim just like the son. No, I blame a society that had convinced women they must keep silent in the face of such violence. This is not the time to keep silent, but as little as 30 years ago, women felt they had no choice if they wanted to keep their lifestyle.
I am writing this today from a woman’s perspective. I realize there are men who have been in abusive situations as well, and let me say right here, they do not get the respect they deserve, either. I can only write from my own personal experiences, and in my experience, we, as a society, have a long way to go. We are certainly not there yet. But, I have witnessed things improve over the years, and I am hopeful for our future. I certainly don’t want my granddaughter to have to fight some of the battles I’ve had to face over the years. If I don’t speak out against abuse, domestic violence, violence against children, and other acts of debasement, then I am leaving the way open for the same things to happen to my grandchildren. I can’t have that. I am doing what I can by speaking out and making an occasional video about abuse. I don’t want to come to the end of my days, stand before the Lord, and be held accountable for my silence.
I am praying today that anyone who is has been affected by abuse or domestic violence find peace and contentment. Please get the help you need. Seek counseling, and move forward with your life. It’s possible with God’s help. God Bless!
